Every women has a wish to marry a husband who is kind, gentle and care about her for her worldly life and her hereafter. In this post today, I will show you how to choose a husband in Islam as ordered and instructed by the Qur’an and Hadith of Rassullulah (SAW).
However, it is very important in the eye of Allah to carefully choose a good husband to marry because marriage is a lifetime worship in Islam.
If you’re a man, your wife is your friend and hence treat her like your friends; don’t do to her with what she doesn’t like. As a wife, don’t ever feel that your husband is your friend and mate even though you are older than him but you can refer him as your boss or mentor or any respectful name you could ever know.
One of the most important lessons which we have driven from learning and practicing Islamic religion is that if a husband says yes his wife is his friend and the wife says that her husband is her boss and authority, nothing can disunite them in this world.
Do you want to know how you can choose a husband who will make you as his friend and show you love that you could ever imagine?
When a female child is started growing from puberty states to a lady an adolescent state, many people like her and want to date or marry her. At this stage, every female child should be very careful with the men that approach her.
If you want to know how you can Islamically choose a husband from men that are saying that they like you, just simply follow the instructions and guides about how to do all the necessary things concerning choosing a man to marry in Islam step by step as a Moslem woman which I have written below.
How to choose a man to marry in Islam (15 step by step guides)
Now, before you can fully agree with the marriage proposal of any man in your life as a female Moslem, the following 15 things are what you should consider or check first as instructed in the holy Qur’an and Hadith of prophet Muhammad (SAW):
1. Carefully observe and examine his deen (religion)
The first thing that every female Moslem (Mosleema) should do when she’s trying to choose a husband herself from among the men who proposing to her for marriage is their religion.
As an obedient Moslem woman, It’s fard (compulsory) to choose a man who is a Moslem too. This step of choosing a husband to marry in Islam is based on the word of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala which was being translated below:
“Do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. Meanwhile, a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. “
In Qur’an chapter two verse 221 (Al-Baqarah verse 221) we can conclude that a slave Moslem man is better than a rich and self-sufficient polytheistic man. In fact, a polytheistic man is nobody in eye of Allah while a slave Moslem is a slave in the eyes of people while he is a worthy person in the eye of his Lord.
2. Perform Istikhara and pray about it
Any time a man come to you and request for your hand in marriage, don’t just immediately agree with his approach until you perform Istikhara and pray about it.
Men nowadays are very sceptical, meaning they can’t easily be understood. If you are to only consider outside appearance of a man without performing Istikhara prayer and pray about it, then you may make mistake which can socially, emotionally and physically affect your life in future.
Every man behaves a friendly life at the early time of their dating with a lady and hence many of them are deceitful while behaving and living a life they have never lived. But with Dua Istikhara, you can get the bad men or who are not important to you rid of your life.
To perform Dua Istikhara for marriage, simply observe two rak’ats of Nafl salat and pray to your Lord about your marital affairs.
3. Observe his power
Anytime you want to choose a husband to marry as a female Moslem, the power of a man is the third things you should consider as instructed in the Hadith of Prophet Muhammad salla Llahu alayhim wassalam.
Observe how he does his things, how he walks, how he talks, etc, purposely to know how powerful is he. Because if he’s powerless, he may not be able to take care of you when you’re finally gotten married.
There are many ways you can use to check his power, few of them are:
- Having a big chest
- Getting a big muscles
- You can encourage his in-laws (your mum and dad) to invite him do some works for them
- And lots more.
4. Check if he can do his responsibilities
The fourth things a lady should consider when she’s choosing a husband to marry in the manner of Islam is how firm he can solve his responsibilities.
A husband is a person who must be responsible and fair upon his decisions and everything that happen in his family.
Hence, a Moslem women should choose a husband who is firm and does almost everything for his self so that he will not leave all responsibilities and works for you and your children.
It’s not a news that self-esteem start from where a person is with his/her parents, thus, you should look carefully if any man who is proposing you is still requesting money for feeding from his parents.
Meanwhile, in Islam, we’re not allowed to get married if the status of our life is not yet balanced. If you can’t afford to marry a wife, just simply lower your gaze at ladies and keep waiting for your time to come.
5. Test his self-sufficiency
It’s not until a man has gotten everything before you agree to marry him. Self-sufficiency of a man is when he’s got what it takes to get for marriage.
Examine him how self-sufficient is him by simply demanding some small things from him, i.e, a gift if needed just because to know whether he will give you anything you want when you get married.
Do not use the advice of other people and deny a husband, indeed, in Islam, in order to prevent avoidable problems in future, a lady has a full right to ask or interview any man who wishes to marry her.
Do not feel shy and neglect interviewing a man about the type of life he wants to live, how many children does he want to give birth to, how many wives does he want to marry, how will he take care of you and your children, etc.
If he’s self-sufficient enough, then he won’t get angry to answer you any question you ask him.
6. What type of family is he from
Before you say yes to a proposal of a man, it’s recommended in Islam to find out the family he’s from.
Perhaps, a bad family can have a good and responsible man but it’s good to marry a man who’s from a good family.
A good family is not a family that has a lot of money and connection. The good persons among people in the eye of Allah are the ones who do what He has commended and abstain from what He didn’t command them to do.
If a man is from a bad family which Islamic religion is not practiced while he confidently does deenil Islam on his own, then agree to marry him provided that he is not supporting his parents to continually practice any religion besides Islam.
7. Examine if he is gentle
Every woman likes a man who understands her feeling and care about her in every aspect of life.
Examining a man to know whether he’s gentle or not is hence the seventh things to consider when choosing a man as husband to marry in Islam.
Let him spend some few of his quality times with you and quickly try to grab the type of person he is when it’s come to arrogance and gentle. As a matter of fact, an arrogant men seem gentle when they are on dating.
As a female Moslem, don’t ever accept husband from third party, i.e, from your parents, uncle, friends or guidances unless he is as gentle as you want and like him completely.
Observe a man who proposes to marry you how he treats other people and make sure that one day he’ll treat you the same. If the way he treats others is vulgar, then that is when you can decide whether you should let the relationship to move to the next level.
8. Try to know if he has a healthy sex
The purpose of every marriage is begetting a child and maintain the continuity of life of human being on earth. Meanwhile, there is no marriage that is worse than a marriage without child.
If a man is handsome to you and has passed seven criterion listed and explained above, then consider marrying him on sunna of Nebbiy and fard of Allah basis provided that he has a healthy sexual performance.
After Islamic marriage, all what a lady demand is having a regular and quality deep love sleep with her husband, hence, checking directly or indirectly to know if he will can satisfy you is one of the best things to put into consideration.
In Islam, it’s completely forbidden (haram) to have sex before Nikkah, as a result of this, how should you know how perfect is he when it’s come to healthy sexual performance?
First, perform Dua Istikhara and pray to God that if he’s good at everything you may need in marriage (sheltering, feeding, etc,) then He should make things easier for him to marry you.
9. Can he lead his self and others
Every Mosleema should choose a husband who has a heart of leadership and not a followership. However, if you marry a husband who can lead other people perfectly, he will surely be your learder who you will proud of in future.
Do not accept a proposal for marriage of any man who’s still fully under the control of his parents. A man must not be a chairman or CEO of a big organization before you can choose to marry him.
To know if a man can lead his self and you and your children in future can be determined if he is doing well when he’s a dependent person.
A young man that’s above 18 years of age should think about his life and who he likes to become in future.
In conclusion, in Islam, it’s ideal to examine and observe social affairs of a man first if you want to choose him as your husband.
10. Is he obedient to his parents
Finding out if a man is obedient to his parents is the tenth most important things to consider in Islam if you are about to choose him as your husband.
Anything a man does for his parents, he will do it for his in-laws, thus, if he disobeys his parents, he will surely disobey your parents.
Meanwhile, to find out whether he’s obedient to his parents or not, simply have a short visit to him and his parents and carry out a clever observation or simply let your parents or your friends investigate the way he treats his parents from other people.
Marriage is mostly concerned about showing love between two families. It’s good to show love and care towards the sister, brother and parents of your wife.
In Islam, it is narrated in the hadith of Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘Alaihi wa sallam as follows:
“From Mu’awiyah bin Jahimah, indeed Jahimah said; “I went to the Prophet (SAW) to seek his permission to go to jihad and he replied to me while asking me whether I still have parents that cannot take care of their selves. I answered that Yes I still have. Then he suggested me to go and take care them, because my Heaven is under their feet.”
The Hadith above is Sahih (true and authentic) while it was narrated by Thabrani.
11. Does he use other people advise
It is good to use the advise of other people but not too much. If you want a female Moslem to choose you as her husband in the manner that Islam suggested, then stop using other peoples advise.
A husband as a head of household, he has a responsibility to distance his family from all sins and everything that can erase good deeds so that he and his family can avoid from entering into hell.
Even God Himself said about using the suggestion or word of other people in the Holy Qur’an as follows:
“O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded by other peoples.”
12. He must be a Godly man
Any man you want to choose as your husband to marry in an Islamic manner must do all of his commands and go far away from his prohibitions.
It is narrated and explained in the Hadith of the Prophet Muhammed (SAW) as follows:
“If a man is blessed with Islamic religion and has a strong faith of Allah come to ask for your hand in marriage, then you should marry him because if you do not marry him, there will be a slander on earth and a broad damage for you.”
The Hadith that was just being narrated above was revealed by Tirmidzi and Ahmad (R.A) and they are both an authentic narrators of Hadiths of the Prophet (SAW).
13. Conclude by yourself if he is handsome
If a man is handsome to you, he may look opposite to other female, hence, consider whether he is handsome enough before you can choose him to be your husband.
Alhadth of Prophet Muhammed said, if you want to get a spouse from among people, get the one who you will be proud of and the one who you will not deny in public.
14. Determine if he is fertile
The fourteenth important things to put into consideration if you want to choose a husband to marry in Islam is testing him if he is fertile and like to make descendants.
Prophet Muhammed (SAW) will boast a lot and be proud of his people in the Hereafter, hence, choose a husband who is fertile and can impregnate you.
15. Ask him any question that come to your mind
Ask him any type of question you could ever have to ask concerning his social life after marriage.
You can ask him where both of you is going to stay after marriage, how he will take care of you and his children. If you don’t like some of his behaviors or characters, then the best time to ask him to stop is the time he is proposing you.
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Feel free to comment with anything you may have to say concerning this post and I will get back to you shortly. Thank you for reading and have a nice day.